So, you hate it at work, the boss is an over-pompous arse or a complete and utter bitch. You’d obviously do a much better job. But there’s only one problem, Okay, two; your boss loves it there and you’re only the paper-copier and tea-maker.
Here’s what you can do….
- Belladonna: You could make your boss a fruity tea for a change, using the berries, tell them it’s good for them, get in their good books, then watch them die a slow and painful death as they become disoriented, hallucinate, become aggressive and feverish before convulsing, coma and death.
2. Hemlock: Another plant, but this time you’re going to see the results pretty quickly. Well, five to ten hours quickly. And as their body dies you get the joy of knowing their mind is alive and well until the end.
3. Pufferfish: You might have trouble getting hold of this little fella, but it’ll certainly do the trick, but only if you do it properly because there’s a 50/50 survival rate and people are known to be left in zombie like states. (oh, maybe you don’t mind that!)
4. Nicotine: Now we’re getting into quicker territory. Usually within four hours your boss will be toast after poison by nicotine. You might have to get a bit creative on how to deliver this one though. Maybe mix it into their hand cream and watch as it depresses the brain and spinal cord, paralysing skeletal muscles including the diaphragm.
5. Rhododendron: Yes, you read that right, the good old Rhododendron bush is going to be the one that rids you of your boss about six hours after ingestion.
I hope that helped. Happy hunting! 🙂
MarinaSofia says
Are you researching poisons for your WIP, or have you just had a fight with a boss? Great fun – and potentially useful information…
Rebecca Bradley says
I did find these during research and thought I’d share. 🙂
acrimereadersblog says
Great advice! Just need to know how to hide the bodies now…
Rebecca Bradley says
Well if you do it right they probably won’t even know it was you 😉
cleopatralovesbooks says
I’ve bookmarked this post haha, my boss is actually quite nice but you never know 😉
Rebecca Bradley says
Glad to have helped 😉
crimeworm says
You do realise you could be potentially charged with “accessory before the fact”, or something, if anyone takes your advice lol? I’m just thinking, there’s tons of rhododendron in my parents’ garden…
Rebecca Bradley says
A whole host of crime novelists would be quaking in their boots then I’m sure, with murders described all the time. I found these while doing some research and thought it would be fun to share. The rhododendron is a funny one though!
jenanita01 says
not sure you should publicise these facts, there’s always the risk of someone taking it literally… and they do work, after all. But fun post, nonetheless…
Rebecca Bradley says
People should stop reading crime novels then because lots of murders are written out in detail for people to take literally and that do work. It was just stuff I found while doing my own research so I thought I’d share 🙂
crimeworm says
So are we having a case of poison in Hannah 2?? I don’t think your post would encourage anyone to commit murder – really, if they’re so inclined they’ll be able to find all this out for themselves (just don’t Google it in your home computer lol!) It’s all in the public domain. And, as you say, there’s plenty of info in crime novels. Great post, Rebecca, very funny! ;-))
Rebecca Bradley says
You might see a bit of poison in Hannah 2 🙂
Prashant C. Trikannad says
Belladonna — that’s the poison in my homoeopathic meds and it works just fine. Maybe, not enough to bump off the boss!
Rebecca Bradley says
That’s highly toxic, I imagine you do have to be careful of the levels you use in your meds Prashant 🙂
Christine says
I like poison as a murder weapon. It’s very Agatha Christie.
crimeworm says
I haven’t read any Agatha Christie for a bit, but I think Sparkling Cyanide was the only one I’ve ever figured out (and I was so impressed with myself!) I’ve read that poison is a woman’s choice of weapon, generally speaking. I remember a bizarre case in Edinburgh involving a biochemistry professor who wanted rid of his wife to marry his student lover (such a cliché !) He put atropine in a batch of bottles of tonic water (as the quinine would cover the taste) and put them on supermarket shelves. But he put extra in the one at home, as his wife enjoyed a G & T. Unfortunately for him, he was caught, as one of the purchasers of the tainted bottles was an anaesthetist, who recognised the symptoms of atropine poisoning.His wife survived, and he was convicted of attempted murder, partly thanks to CCTV footage from the supermarket, and an eventual confession, and got 12 years. (That would make a great TV drama, actually!)
Rebecca Bradley says
It is supposed to be a woman’s choice of murder weapon. Also a choice of suicide means as well, whereas men go for more aggressive modes in both cases.
Rebecca Bradley says
It is isn’t it. Sparkling Cyanide was always the one of hers I remember reading when I was young and I loved it! 🙂
Alex J. Cavanaugh (@AlexJCavanaugh) says
You don’t want to leave them like a zombie. There’s a chance no one will notice anything happened and you’re still stuck with your boss.
Rebecca Bradley says
A very good point!
Margot Kinberg says
This is great stuff, Rebecca! And I absolutely adore your title and context. You’d want to be careful to use those things in a way that wouldn’t connect you to the crime, of course. I mean, if your boss dies shortly after a cuppa with you, that’s a problem… 😉
Rebecca Bradley says
Thanks Margot. And of course. Maybe lace it so they make it themselves 😉
readingwritingandriesling says
How timely…does this work on painful houseguests too? I am tempted 🙂
Rebecca Bradley says
Haha! I’m sure it would work on anyway, just be careful where you post the information, I’m already in trouble 😉
readingwritingandriesling says
This guest did need it but it might have been a bit obvious 🙂
Christine says
It’s really interesting, Rebecca.
Rebecca Bradley says
Thanks Christine. I’m glad you enjoyed it. 🙂
coldhandboyack says
Great post. I believe there is a public garden in England somewhere that is dedicated to lethal plants. I remember a story where someone hollowed out a boot heel, and placed pitchblende inside. (radioactive)
Rebecca Bradley says
Thank you! Now you’ve said that about the garden, it’s ringing a bell for me as well. You’d definitely need night staff on that place wouldn’t you!?
nancyrae4 says
I love my boss, but if I didn’t…look out!!!
Rebecca Bradley says
Your boss is very lucky then 😉
Kay says
And don’t they say that poison is a woman’s weapon? Oh, wait, maybe we shouldn’t think about it. Alas, I no longer have a boss, but I did have one that went home nightly and told my husband – that woman has got to go!. LOL
Kay says
Correction – I went home nightly and told hubby – not she went to my home nightly and told him. Sigh. Typing too fast without reading.
Rebecca Bradley says
They do say it’s a woman’s weapon of choice. I presume as you don’t have to get up close and personal or violent.
Jacqui Murray says
These are amazing. I wish I had more characters to kill off!
Rebecca Bradley says
It’s interesting when you look into it 🙂
Corina says
Note: These also work for bosses trying to get rid of certain employees!
One of my favorite novels, Practical Magic, features belladonna poisoning!
Rebecca Bradley says
You’re right they do, so watch out any employee’s who aren’t pulling their weight!
I think Belladonna is a favourite poison of choice. 🙂
Dylan Hearn says
My wife studied forensics and she’s told me there are ways of killing people that are virtually undetectable, but then refuses to let me know in case I put it in one of my books. At least I hope that’s the reason.
Knowing she has this knowledge does give tea drinking after an argument that little edge.
crimeworm says
I’ve heard that – I think in an interview with Val MvDermid – but the knowledge is “guarded closely”. I got the impression it was an undetectable “poison”, widely available…?
Rebecca Bradley says
Haha! I love that about drinking tea after an argument! I imagine the reason they are virtually undetectable is that if you don’t look for them and have no reason to look for them they wouldn’t show up. They can only test for so many things during a PM after all.
moira @ clothesinbooks says
Very helpful. (or perhaps I’d better not say that…?)
Rebecca Bradley says
Ha! Interesting is the word 😉
Frederick says
Thanks for tips
I used all of them in the end as I wanted to make sure and am pleased to announce my boss is no longer a problem.