As many of you know, about a month ago I lost my beloved Springer Spaniel, Bobbie. Or Bob as she was more affectionately known to us. It was very quick and unexpected. Bob’s loss left a deep hole in the house. For me it felt as though the house had lost its very soul. Even though there are four of us in the house, the loss of Bob, just showed us she was that thing, that added bit of light you can’t explain, but once extinguished the darkness is all enveloping.
I’d find myself walking into the house expecting herΒ wagging her tail and to feel her love through bright piercing eyes. I’d talk into an empty room with no-one to hear me because it was Bob who listened. It was heartbreaking every single day.
And it was like this for the rest of the family as well. They couldn’t cope with the emptiness, the hole, so they went in search of something to fill that hole. They wanted another dog.
I wasn’t sure I was ready. But they were. I wanted my family to have that void filled though.Β So I made my stipulations; it wasn’t to be black and/or white and it wasn’t to be a Springer Spaniel. I didn’t want to replace Bob, but I did like spaniels, so I suggested we might look at Cockerpoos. A Cocker Spaniel crossed with a Poodle. No sooner had I said this than Cockerpoo puppies that were available were found and the next day I found myself looking at a litter of said cute adorable puppies. There was a unanimous decision on a male puppy with a white stripe down his face and chest and we walked away the brand new owners of a Cockerpoo puppy.
Meet Alfie.
The first night I was as smitten with the little fella as the rest of the family were, but I found the second day incredibly difficult. I missed Bob with a new longing as I sat cuddling our new addition. I felt guilty. I sat there holding Alfie and I cried. Then later that night I cried hard as though I’d lost Bob all over again, feeling as though this was all a massive mistake. My other half held me as I cried and reiterated we weren’t replacing Bob. I knew he was desperate to have Alfie in our home and the kids were thrilled. I had to find a way to buckle down and not let this affect my relationship with this adorable little fellow in our family.
I think the massive outburst of feelings provoked and allowed to flow has helped and I am more settled. Alfie is just adorable. Though it is like having a baby in the house with the constant pooping and peeing! He will grow into a lovely dog and time will allow me to heal.
I still feel guilt and I still miss Bob, but my family needed this. Alfie is so cute and cuddly (when his pincer mouth isn’t open!) I can’t help but start to grow attached to him.
As I type this at the kitchen table he is laid under my chair. Already the bond is forming.
Have you lost a family pet and given another a new home? How was it? How do you deal with the feelings?
And what do you think of my gorgeous little Alfie?!
Terri Nixon says
What a touching, heartfelt and honest post. It’s so hard to lose any pet, and although it does help to re-home another, it’s so important not to think of it as replacing. I lost my lovely rescue cat, Chunky, a couple of years ago, and when we did get another (not right away) I thought of it more as a tribute to Chunkers; that he was such a sweetheart despite his troubled life, meant I felt confident that any other cat would find a good home with us. Alfie is gawjuss!! π x
Rebecca Bradley says
Thanks Terri. Alfie is settling in nicely and I see him as his own little personality rather than a replacement. Pets are such a huge part of our lives aren’t they. X
Tessa Tangent says
My life has had a veritable procession of furry beings, and I utterly understand your ups and downs and emotional twists in these circumstances. After Coco (golden Persian with turquoise eyes) I eventually fell for a gold/white Shih Tzu pup called Basil.
You never forget the unique individuals these family members were and how the only expectation they ever have is for love. But like having a second baby, new love for a new family pet does come, and expand, again.
I wouldn’t have been without Harry, my cockerpoo-cross, since my husband Paul died some months back. Even though Harry has grieved alongside me, he’s been a star. I also found a ginger and white kitten I called Blossom (which Paul called me and other family females) who helped distract me enough at the time to trudge the wade through the Hell of bereavement. So now, we have Harry, Beryl (cat, 7) and Blossom and thank goodness for them. I’m very fortunate they are my immediate family at home.
Paul’s love, inspiration and the memories are still with us here and with our family and friends – and I’m pretty certain that your Bob’s will always be there for you, too. Alfie is adorable and I’m very happy he came into your lives. Beautiful post, Rebecca.
TT xx
Rebecca Bradley says
You’re right. There is room in my heart for Alfie as well as Bob. Bringing him into the family hadn’t replaced Bob, but expanded my heart to encompass him. They are wonderful aren’t they x
readingwritingandriesling says
The hardest part for me in dealing with our loss was the fact that I had to call the vet…we had taken Mollie for a checkup (we knew something wasn’t right) and she was diagnosed with dementia – the vet wanted to to the deed then and there but I wasnt ready – we took Mollie home
(she hated the vets) anyway after a few weeks the dementia had really taken hold – we had a terrible night with her – we knew it was time. I called the vet and she and her assistant came to the house, they were lovely – but it didn’t make it any easier to accept. It took us a few years to decide to get another dog – and we love Bob – probably even more as I am an empty nester now… Bob is our baby – all 18 kilos of him. I still miss Mollie Dog and have a tear in my eye now – but we had 18 great years together – cant ask much more than that.
Your puppy looks adorable – give yourself permission to love him – there is room in your heart to love so many things, people. dogs, cats…books…. π
Rebecca Bradley says
We also had to allow the vet to take Bob to her next place of rest. It was so hard. Alfie has made my heart grow though. Our hearts aren’t a specific size, they have room to grow and Alfie has expanded my heart and Bob is still very much in there.
readingwritingandriesling says
I am pleased you have Alfie. π
Glynis Smy says
You made the right choice, and Alfie helped you bring out your grief and move forward. We lost our 15 yr old dog one month after losing my dad, then had to leave three rescue dogs and 2 cats in Cyprus as where I now live in UK we cannot have animals in the home. Not an easy thing to live with, and the loss of a pet is painful, so I understand your pain. Enjoy Alfie, such a cutie! x
Rebecca Bradley says
I know how much you understand this Glynis. Thank you for your kind words. Some time has passed and little Alfie has wriggled his way into my heart. It doesn’t push Bob out as I feared, but expanded my heart to make room for him as well. Bob will stay with me. She was my puppy even at ten years of age. Alfie will be a different dog but there is now room for him.
Margot Kinberg says
Rebecca – First, welcome to Alfie. He is adorable and I’m sure he will bring lots of joy to your family. But that doesn’t change your feelings for Bob. You’ll love Alfie in a different way. At least that’s what happened to us. We lost our Basset mix Oscar nearly six years ago, and it was a real blow because it was sudden. But we added our delightful Indy to the family. She’s nothing like Oscar; she brings her own self to the dynamics. But she has helped us greatly. I’m glad to hear you’ve opened your heart to Alfie.
Rebecca Bradley says
Thanks Margot. The loss is so difficult isn’t it? They become such a part of the family, but you’re right about the different dynamics. Alfie is a different dog. And he’s making his own little place in my heart – without altering the space Bob takes.
Annalisa Crawford says
The loss of a pet leaves such a huge gap it’s natural to want to fill it. And I’m not surprised you couldn’t resist Alfie – he’s gorgeous π
Rebecca Bradley says
He is gorgeous isn’t he π Thanks Annalisa x
Margaret says
Alfie is so cute. Our cat Phyllis died about 4 years ago, we said we wouldn’t have another cat. But one day a very friendly kitten jumped out from under our holly bush. We couldn’t find her owner and she decided she liked living with us so we kept her. The grandchildren christened her Holly. She’s taken over our lives and we love her.
Rebecca Bradley says
Holly sounds wonderful. It’s so hard when you lose a pet they are such a part of the family. Alfie is making his own place in out home. He is a different dog and we can’t help but melt our hearts when with him.
Kate says
What a touching post. I bought my horse having had my previous one, Murphy, put down at a young age only shortly before. I wasn’t convinced I was ready but went ahead anyway for various reasons, partly for other family members, so I can totally understand how you feel. Getting Heralie was part of the healing process, it doesn’t stop me missing Murphy and feeling the guilt of moving on, but the love for another animal helps. You must feel it even more so with an animal that’s by your side all the time. Enjoy Alfie, he looks gorgeous!
Rebecca Bradley says
Thank you Kate. I’m sorry to hear about Murphy. It’s so hard isn’t it. And whatever the reason out new animals do wiggle their way into our hearts while never changing the space out previous loved one takes. I’ve found that out. Alfie is a different dog and he’s adorable. There is room for him in my heart. And Bob is still there too x
Kate says
You may be in trouble with Mr M π I’ve been thinking about Alfie and what you said about him getting you out walking, and the more I think about it, the more I wonder whether it’s time for us to have a dog (the cute pics helped π )
We never could have one as we both worked full time in full on jobs, and then I got ill and am now home all day. We talked about it a year or so ago and decided it wasn’t time yet. Now is the first time in 2.5 years that even on a bad day I can manage to walk for a few minutes. Whether that’s enough yet, I’m not sure, but maybe a canine companion would give me the push I need to get up and out for a bit longer. Lots to think about π
Rebecca Bradley says
Oh dear. Though I do love that you’re thinking of getting another dog now. That you feel the time is right. I’d need to see photos if you do! Alfie photos will be updated here as he grows π
Kate says
I’m working on him ? I’ll keep you posted, and if we do get one, there will be PLENTY of pics! Looking fwd to following Alfie’s progress x
Prashant C. Trikannad says
Rebecca, I’m sorry for your loss but I’m also glad you replaced Bob (however irreplaceable he is) with Alfie who I’m sure will fill the void you and your family feel. Dogs are more human than humans. They weave their own wonderful magic in our lives.
Rebecca Bradley says
Thank you Prashant. Alfie is melting my heart. He is adorable and I have room for both him and Bob in there.
FictionFan says
When my beloved cat Soxy died 5 years ago, I swore I would never have another cat. But as time went on, I found the house so empty when I came home, and like you I’d find myself talking as if to Soxy, though she wasn’t there any more. After about six months I gave in and got my current two, Tommy and Tuppence, as little kits. To be honest, it took me a while to bond with them – whoever they were, they weren’t Soxy. But in time they became themselves instead, and I grew to love them very much. Doesn’t stop me still missing Soxy from time to time though. I think people who don’t ‘get’ pets don’t realise they are just as important as any other member of the family. But just like when you lose a family member, it does get easier with time.
Alfie’s gorgeous! π
Rebecca Bradley says
Thank you! He is adorable π And you’re right. Alfie is himself. He’s not Bob, he’s Alfie and he’s starting to wiggle his way into my heart. This little bundle of fur. I’ve realised that allowing him in doesn’t mean I have to push Bob out. My heart just stretches to home them both x
LM Milford says
He’s gorgeous, Rebecca! My sister recently suffered the same loss as you when her dog died. He’d been a part of the family for about 12 years but he was very poorly at the end and so they had to have him put to sleep, She still hasn’t really recovered but she’s getting there. I don’t think you can, or should, try to replace Bob. Enjoy the memories, and make a new friend in Alfie. Sounds like he’s getting his paws under the table already π
Take care x
Rebecca Bradley says
Thanks Lynne. I’m sorry for your sisters loss. What I’ve found is that Alfie has wriggled his way into my heart and this hasn’t pushed Bob out at all but it had expanded my heart. There is room for both. He’s a different dog. He’s new and the deep love I felt for Bob after ten years isn’t there but there’s room to grow. I hope your sister can find something to help her with her grief. It’s so incredibly hard.
Linda King says
Your little Alfie is truly gorgeous! He won’t replace Bob (try not to feel guilty) and he won’t stop you missing her, but I’m sure he’ll give you lots of love to help you feel better.
Rebecca Bradley says
He is Definitely providing lots of love! I still miss Bob lots and poor Alfie sometimes gets called Bob as an automatic reflex. But he’s his own boy and he is cuddly and adorable and I’m starting to feel glad that we have him.
Sherrey Meyer says
Rebecca, I couldn’t resist coming over to learn more about you and hopefully your new little one. Alfie is adorable, but I know the feeling of loss you must be experiencing over Bobbie. Time heals all wounds, or so they say, so indeed give yourself time. But remember, you have declared (on my blog no less!) to commit to exercising with and for Alfie in the near term. You go, girl!
Rebecca Bradley says
Thank you for stopping by Sherrey. And you’re right, time is working. As well as lots of cute furry cuddles π And yes, when he’s had his last injection I shall be taking those walks with him!
Rebekah Loper says
I’ve had pets my entire life, and had to say goodbye to several of them over the course of the years, though one of the hardest was just this past December – the cat I’d had since I was 15 succumbed to kidney failure over three months. We haven’t made the decision to get another cat at this point, partly because we have one other already, and my sister and her cat moved in late last summer.
I’m still trying to figure out how to deal with the feelings, in all honesty. Grieving doesn’t have a timeline, and it seems as soon as things are looking up, a reminder smacks me in the face. It just takes… time.
Your little Alfie is precious, though, and I’m glad you’re bonding with him! Hopefully it will help with some of the heartache.
(I found you through the A-Z Challenge, btw. Good luck!)
Rebecca Bradley says
Thanks for stopping by through the A to Z! I’m sorry you’ve felt this same loss in December. It’s so incredibly hard and you’re right, there is no timeline. Alfie is doing a good job of helping though with fluffy cuddles. Bob still hurts but Alfie is finding his own spot in our home now and I’m happy we have him.
Tessa Tangent says
Rebekah and Rebecca π Yes, yes and yes. You have some beautifully understanding and wise comments here from those who know the value of our soulful furry kids. Really nice to read them all. X
Jacqui Murray says
You know that puppy’s darling. I bet you’re already in love. Makes me want another dog.
Rebecca Bradley says
He is adorable and yes, he’s wriggled his way into my heart already π
diannegray says
Alfie is absolutely adorable! Now I want another puppy (I’ve already got four).
You never really ‘get over’ losing a beloved pet. Unfortunately we have to go through the mourning process because there’s nothing we can do to switch off those emotions. I still have days when I miss the one I lost 20 years ago and even though I now have four absolutely beautiful dogs I still think of him. The great thing about this it that I smile now when I think of him, not cry π
Rebecca Bradley says
That’s it isn’t it. They are such a part of the family that we will still miss them and feel their hole years down the line. Little Alfie is cuddling his way into our hearts quickly though. And I’ve found my heart just expands to fit him in rather than pushes Bob out to make room
Gwen Tolios (@GwenTolios) says
I had a cat who passed away. I spent hours crying and playing the piano (for some odd reason). Family pet, and the family couldn’t figure out for ages if we wanted a new pet and if so what kind. We settled for a bird two years later.
It’s nice to know she wasn’t replaced so easily, and getting her ashes from the vet helped too.
Rebecca Bradley says
It’s strange how we deal with loss. Birds are wonderful pets. I had some as a child and I Adored them. Really cheeky and friendly! π