I’ve struggled to write this post for the past couple of weeks because of the emotions that are raging through me as I transition through the changes that are happening in my life. I feel as though I am slowly, but gradually losing parts of myself to a disorder that is taking over my body. Not only is it affecting how I live generally but it has now taken a massive part of my life that I suppose I identified myself by, that I loved to do and that I felt I made a real difference doing.
Two weeks ago I was medically retired from the police where I was a detective constable and had been for the past 8 years. It was a job I loved, but I’m no longer able to do. Prior to that, I spent many a year enjoying my role in uniform. I’m telling you, that is such a great role to do and yet, so under-valued. In total, I had just over 15 years service. I have seen many things you would believe and wouldn’t want to see. I have to tell myself that in that time I did make a difference, to people who will have noticed and will remember and those who won’t have.
Now though, now I have to move forward and take what I know into my writing and let myself focus on that, as I need to focus my mind somewhere. My body might be flaking away, but my mind is very much intact (well, most of the time!) so being a writer is the new career goal I have.
It has been hard though. There have been tears. Being a cop, is a strong identity to just leave behind. It’s something I’m still working through. You may have noticed less activity from me on social media some days and these are the days I struggle, but I do have something else and I’m holding onto it. I will keep writing, you can expect to see me continue to produce work. Life just has to be adapted to, no matter what it throws at you. I’m lucky I suppose. I already had my love of writing to fall back on. And I do love it.
This month is also Ehlers-Danlos Awareness month and I think losing a job to the disorder is awareness raising in itself. You can find more information about the disorder on the UK charity website Here.