Friday evening I went out for a meal with some friends. They’re friends I see only every few months. It’s a – let’s keep in contact kind of relationship. Usually after the meal, they want to go drinking and maybe do some dancing but I knew I couldn’t do this, my limit that evening was sitting down with them and enjoying an evening out that way. I’d arranged with my other half that he would collect me when I text him. I had to explain to my friends that my illness was causing me some real physical issues and it wasn’t possible for me to go standing around in pubs anymore.
I thought my friends would listen to what I had to say about what I was living with.
I thought my friends would understand I was still here, I was enjoying myself but there were some physical restrictions now being created.
What happened instead was out of five friends, some changed the subject and didn’t listen, a couple listened to what they could and one at the end of the night said she was worried, in a very caring voice. She thought I was giving up on life and that she had been there and understood, she said that I just had to push past it and get on with my life. That she had friends with “real” illnesses who were fighting it and living their lives. If by living their lives it means standing around in pubs and getting hammered I’m not that bothered. I can have a drink sat around a table eating and talking.
I’m living my life. I write and I get so much out of writing. Something else they didn’t understand. I enjoy time with my family and closer friends who understand my limitations and accept that some nights I need to be in bed, other nights I can sit and have a laugh with them.
I look fine. Especially when I put my makeup on and do my hair. You would never guess that if you stood me up for half an hour at a bar, I’d pass out because I can’t mind over matter my blood pressure.
I was really really hurt on Friday that my friends either weren’t interested or just thought I was giving up on life and I am still feeling the sting a little. So what if my life has to be adjusted a little. I’m still me in here. I just need to take life at a slower pace.
Here’s a great little video to explain it.