Some time ago I posted about the cancer diagnosis of a close family member. Things have moved on and it is going to start having more of an effect, so I’m writing this post.
It’s a post about dedication, determination and explanation.
The reason I’m not naming said family member is because they don’t know I blog, therefore, don’t know I have blogged about them, so I’m respecting their privacy. I doubt this would be an issue, but it’s not something I’m prepared to broach for the sake of making this any more personal than it already is.
The cancer has been staged and is stage 3 aggressive. I’ve known this for a few weeks. In the next couple of weeks she will start chemotherapy. This is going to hurt not only her, but her loved one and those of us who love her. Saturday was the first day this has really started to sink in and the first time I shed tears. I am starting to feel as though my heart is breaking a little bit. This next five months are going to be one of the hardest parts of my life I have ever been through. And this difficulty is as a bystander. I’m not going to have my body poisoned, I’m only going to stand and watch helplessly.
Why am I blogging about this and not just closing the blog down for a while? Because I am a writer. I have just been signed by an agent and the next step will be submission to publishers. My loved ones want me to succeed in that more than anything. They wouldn’t want me to stop, particularly for the reason of my being overwhelmed by sadness. There may be a time when I need to make this my day job by necessity.
So, yes, publishers. I have something to prove. That I can keep typing, keep editing and keep this small platform that is mine, running, no matter what. That I am worth taking that gamble on and I won’t crumble at the first hurdle.
Really though, blogging is about being amongst friends, but we all know that’s not how the “industry” sees it. To them it’s my platform. But whatever, I still like to come here and type. And yes, I’m still writing!
The only problem will be that my emotional energy and lack of, will affect the already dwindling energy supplies I have with the EDS and POTS and there will be times, as you’ve probably already started to notice, when I won’t make it round to many blogs to stop by and comment. My other social media places will also suffer. Some days will be fine and I will be fine, others I won’t. But I will keep trying and I will still be here, in this place and I hope, this way, we can still keep in touch and one day, I know I will have the time, and the energy, to put into social media what I used to. I just wanted to let you know why I may be a little slower at keeping up than usual.
After today, my future posts will return to all things bookish and crime, oh and the occasional cake.