I’m writing this post Friday night, before scheduling it to go live Saturday morning. It’s more about how I’m feeling than usual posts. And this evening I’m feeling it more than usual. Just one of those nights.
I could lose blog readers. Do you know what though? That is fair enough. Our lives are hectic enough, that you should never read something because you feel you should.
The same way, I shouldn’t feel I am losing a part of my soul every time I send my manuscript out to an agent and face rejection. Or I feel I am holding my thoughts back because it wouldn’t be good for someone in the industry to see I have actual thoughts.
I’m not rude or arrogant. But I do manage to think all by myself. I often see advice about how to present yourself online, just in case that agent or publisher looks you up. I’m me, what you get is what you see. But at times this rule doesn’t seem to go both ways. I see agents Tweeting out what they’ve received in their slushpiles and I’m talking about the incorrect submissions. If I was that person who had sent it in, I’d be gutted to see it tweeted out to all and sundry.
And this is where I’m really starting to feel the soul suckingness of attempting to become a published writer. Not only am I offering a piece of myself up when querying, but I feel uncomfortable with the fun poking where the query may not have met a single guideline and be written in crayon on rose scented paper, but it’s someone’s work all the same. Maybe the fact that they can’t grasp the concept of reading submission guidelines tells you a little about their intellect? but then they’re really going to make fun of people who can’t think things through or comply with guidelines. Come on, – humanity and professionalism.
I don’t know if I want to work in a business where I see cliques like that working.
I want to write. I can’t seem to stop, not matter how annoyed I get with the whole system. I don’t want to join an elitist group. I would like to see my book published if possible, but I’m at a massive crossroads.
I have met some lovely people on Twitter and in person within the publishing world. Mainly in person if I’m honest, when I’ve attended Harrogate Crime Writing Festival, so I know it’s not all like that. But I do know, it’s a business where you have to “Schmooz”. I can’t Schmooz to save my life. I’m a straight forward kind of girl.
And if this post offends anyone in the industry and I’m then instantly blacklisted for having a viewpoint, then so be it. Because not saying how I’m feeling tonight, when agents blog and tweet to their hearts content, would mean I was having another small part of my soul sucked out of me, only to further myself into something that makes me nervous.
I should be judged on my writing and manners when dealing with people. At this point, my writing isn’t up to scratch, but it will be one day. And I want to do this without feeling I just kissed a Incubus.
India Drummond says
I know you’ve been around the block and you’ve heard all the stuff about self-publishing before, but beyond the money I’ve earned from it or the control over my own career, the most important thing that’s come from self-publishing for me has been my sanity. I was a wreck submitting to agents. Like you, I’d watch their tweets, and was devastated once when an agent’s assistant let me know the agent was taking home my ms overnight, then the next morning first thing, the agent tweeted some really negative comments about the “disappointing” submission she read the night before. Only the three of us probably knew it was mine she was talking about, but it still *felt* like a big, public humiliation because it had gone out on twitter.
Now that I’ve been self-publishing for a year, I realise I don’t need the validation of agents and big publishers anymore. I’m now making in a month what I would have accepted as an advance on an entire novel back then, and my validation comes in the fan mail that randomly pops into my inbox a couple of times a week.
I’m sure you’ve considered self-publishing and have your own reasons for choosing the traditional route, but if querying is making you this miserable, why not do as I did, and come up with a novel specifically with the goal of self-pubbing it? (After I got a taste of how much fun being indie is, I haven’t looked back.) You can always continue to query with your current one if you want to continue to pursue that dream. (Or self-pub your current one and write something new to submit). You don’t really have anything to lose by giving it a try.
Vicky Newham says
India, I’ve just read your post and am gobsmacked at your experience: the agent who did that was very unprofessional and incredibly insensitive. Even if he/she didn’t know that you knew he/she was reading it that night, I don’t think agents should tweet that sort of comment. It is galling for authors. I would have been terribly upset if it had been me. So far my (limited) experience of agents has been positive but I’m not looking forward to it changing. All the best with your writing.
Rebecca Bradley says
India, that is absolutely horrific and a perfect example of what I was talking about. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. We as writers are asked to be professional. To present ourselves in a way that can only garner respect, and yet, on a daily basis we can see things like this happening. It’s not professional at all. In my book it goes way past unprofessional. It’s mean and it’s a way of making themselves feel important at someone other person’s expense. I’m not saying all agents do this, but those that do, bring down any good name of hard working professional agents.
I need to unfollow agents. It’s not good or healthy for me. I get brief nuggets of useful information, but to be honest, I follow enough great writers who retweet the useful nuggets, that I don’t need to follow the agents themselves. It’s like looking in a sweet store when you’re a diabetic!
Self publishing is in fact high on my options list. I have already secured the services of an editor and priced up a cover designer in preparation, so that I’m ready to go, rather than waiting for that decision and then having to sort it out.
I am one of your fans as well 🙂 I have ready Ordinary Angels as well as the first three in the Fae series. I love them! In fact, I do need to get myself the next one.
Thank you so much for commenting, sharing and for your encouragement. It really is appreciated.
yasminselena says
Rebecca, from the piece I wrote for you last year, you already know how i feel about self-publishing as an option. I only follow a couple of agents on Twitter and that’s only since the LBF, but to read India’s experience and also your own excellent piece, it makes me glad I don’t. Maybe being partial gatekeeper to people’s hopes and dreams has gone to their heads?! I hate discourtesy, there’s no excuse for that or the dismissive vibe a certain breed of agent or publishing bod feel entitled to dish out. Just remove them from your world and focus on the good souls xx
Kyra Lennon says
Huge respect to you, Rebecca! I’ve actually been thinking about this a lot myself lately. Not so much in regards to the behaviour of agents, but censoring myself when I’m online, just in case I accidentally come off as unprofessional. It’s hard. Twitter and Facebook are there for us to throw out our thoughts, whatever they may be, so stopping to decide, “Do I want to say this out loud?” makes you second guess yourself, when all you really want to do is say what you think. Obviously, there are things it’s not professional to post, but it’s not really about that. It’s about us being true to ourselves. Personally, I have quite a cheeky personality but not everyone “gets” it. Should I hold it in to make sure I don’t alienate anyone? Maybe. But, I’d rather have people like me for me.
Vicky Newham says
Know exactly what you mean about the cheeky personality. I’m the same. I do try to censor my tweets but mostly forget. I don’t want to just tweet about writing so I do say from time to time that I’ve just eaten a yummy cake (Will people think I’m a pig?) or a lovely glass of wine (Will people think I’m an alcoholic?). Part of Twitter is about getting to know people a bit, and that requires a certain amount of self-disclosure. It’s a tough call. All the best.
Rebecca Bradley says
Thanks Kyra. I think cheeky personalities are fine and no, not everyone gets them, but then again, not everyone gets everyone else. We are all so unique that it’s going to happen that way. As long as we aren’t rude and insensitive to others then I think honesty is OK. It has taken me a while to get to a place where I felt more able to say what I felt. I have been so busy trying to fit in, but now I recognise that I don’t need to change who I am. I’m not out to hurt anyone, but I am able to own my own opinions without fear and many people have fought many battles for us to be able to do that.
rtd14 says
Rebecca, you are being honest. Your post is well-written. If it makes you feel better, I chose to leave a different part of the writing industry for a separate reason. Although I’ve talked about it with my husband, I have not reached a stage where I’m comfortable writing about why. I left my last gig and I felt guilty about doing so when so many others did not have a job. To have the courage to recognize what is or is not for you takes everything inside of you. ~ Rebecca
Rebecca Bradley says
Thank you Rebecca. It was not an easy post to write and I didn’t have a restful nights sleep as I turned over in my mind whether to pull it or not. In the end, I am happy with how I present myself online and off and as has been shown by both the comments here and over on Twitter, I have not been the only one mulling the same issues over. You’re right though, it’s definitely not easy taking that step forward, away from the rest of the line.
Thank you.
Vicky Newham says
It’s a weird one alright. I know what you mean about wanting to ‘be yourself’ and ‘what you see is what you get’ as I’m the same. I don’t like the tweets which make fun of authors’ submissions either. It would be like us making fun of agents. Personally, I don’t want to make fun of anyone, not in a sneery way, I mean. I don’t mind tweets which have an instructive content about submissions. I suppose my way of dealing with it is to try to stay focussed on my own goals, and concentrate on my writing. Stay determined, Rebecca, and keep going. I’m sure that you will get there.
Rebecca Bradley says
Thanks Vicky. I’m a bit of a sadist I think though, I can’t seem to look away from agent tweets and it’s starting to get painful. I need to unfollow a whole bunch of people and concentrate on just being on Twitter for the friends and connections I’ve made, rather than anything else. I love the support and friendship I’ve made through a shared love of writing and that is something I don’t want to lose.
Peter Domican says
I have a major cull on twitter and cut out people I ‘ought to’ follow and stuck with people I wanted to follow. I don’t think you’ll regret it.
Rebecca Bradley says
I think a cull may be in order Pete.
Keith B Walters says
Great post and that must have taken guts to write, Rebecca.
All best and, over and above everything else, keep writing and remain you and true to yourself.
Keith
Rebecca Bradley says
Thanks Keith. It was not a restful night as I continued to play over whether to pull the post or not, but I stand by my comments and I stand by who I am. x
helenphifer says
I believe as others do that you are only voicing what most of us are thinking, there have been times I have read tweets from agents and wondered to myself – just who do they think they are. As writers we look up to them because for us they are the writers equivalent of God but it is getting increasingly difficult to secure an agent. I am lucky that the agents I have dealt with have been very polite and nice even though they didn’t take my manuscript on, I was lucky enough to get a place on the Romantic Novelist Association New Writers Scheme last year and it has been my lifesaver. I am primarily a contemporary crime writer but there is a complicated love story inside my novel which made me eligible to apply to join. It was the best thing I ever did, they are fantastic, warm, welcoming, always there to give advice and best of all you can send your manuscript to them to get critiqued which is a massive help, it was three pages of harsh but wonderful feedback. Because of them I attended the conference where they offer ten minute editor appointments. Last minute I asked if I could have a slot or if anyone would even be interested in my crime novel and they arranged one for me with the most wonderful editor from Harlequin. That ten minute appointment has led to ten months of emails, manuscript submissions, revisions and finally an offer of a two book deal with their digital imprint Carina. I longed to be traditionally published but it’s getting harder and I’m not going to turn down such a fantastic opportunity.
Good luck Rebecca, you will get there it’s just a matter of when not if. Like Mari Hannah said at last year Theakstons ‘never give up’ I have taken those words to heart and they have become my motto.
Helen xx
Rebecca Bradley says
Thank you Helen.
I was awake a lot through the night wondering whether to pull this post but the response has been amazing. As you say, more people than I thought, have been thinking similar things. It’s such a shame though, that a few can tarnish the name of the ones who work hard and don’t do this. I have had some wonderful contact within the industry. One in particular last year was so nice to me and supportive and gave me some great feedback, and to that person I will always be grateful.
I love that you have had such a positive experience and I was thrilled to hear about your two book deal!
I won’t give up, but who knows where this path will lead 🙂
Heath Gunn says
A nicely written, heart felt piece Rebecca. As with others who have commented I share your pain of nervously offering up your work for judgment, on balance I can say that all the agents I’ve encountered so far have been pleasant and professional, but so far without an offer of representation. Keep writing, love what you do and good luck.
India’s comments make interesting reading, maybe I’ll return a call from Authorhouse or similar one day.
Heath
Rebecca Bradley says
Thank you Heath. I think in the majority, real contact has been pleasant and professional, it’s that “social” side where you get to see what they’re really thinking that is slightly (ok, largely) terrifying and unpleasant. India was a perfect and awful example.
Thank you for your kind words.
sharonsant says
I love the honesty of your posts and you should never feel you have to change for anyone. I also identify with your feelings. I can’t do schmoozing or day the right things just for the sake of saying them. It feels corrupt and untrue to my self and my principles. I truly believe you will succeed though, in whatever route you take. And for the record, as others have said, self-publishing can be fun if you decide to go that way. 🙂 x
Rebecca Bradley says
Aren’t you supposed to be taking some kind of break?! You just have to love today’s world of being connected. I don’t think I could stay logged off. 🙂
Thank you Sharon. Your support has meant the world to me this year. Self publishing is high on my option list as an option, not a last resort. If done properly I know it is a viable way for me to go and it’s looking pretty good from here. 🙂 x
Margot Kinberg says
Rebecca – I couldn’t agree more about the need for agents and publishers to be professional and to remember that when a writer submits something, that something is an important reflection of the writer. Not every manuscript meets a given set of guidelines, and publishers/agents won’t be wild about every submission. But they do owe the writer a courteous, private response. And in my opinion, they owe the writer an explanation. I’ve even known of writers who responded to rejection by asking the publisher/agent for feedback so as to improve the work. It would be ideal of all agents/publishers did that but of course, that’s not always possible. What is possible is to remember that writers are human beings. Treating them courteously and professionally and respecting them that way should be a priority. In a way it’s like looking for a job really. Job-seekers frequently feel soul-sucked because of the way they are treated by some potential employers.
Rebecca Bradley says
Exactly Margot. Being courteous and professional is expected of the writer seeking representation, it should be expected in reverse as well. It’s a shame a handful tarnish the reputation of many.
Alex J. Cavanaugh says
I’m not much of a Schmooz either!
We should all act professional, but we are all still human as well. What you said above was both, so I wouldn’t worry about that.
I think that’s sad agents do that. I’m glad I never sent queries to agents, as my first query letter probably wasn’t very good. I guess that’s why so many self-publish now or look for smaller presses who care more.
Rebecca Bradley says
Thank you Alex. I think sometimes agents forget the human side behind the multiple emails they receive and with the power they hold with their responses. It probably is why the smaller presses are doing well.
Very Tessa Tangent says
I think it can be a very difficult period, waiting to see if someone wants to represent or buy your work. Rejections leave us with negative feelings and questioning our abilities. Thanks for your honesty. Of course, it can turn round at any time – see multiple authors who submitted to many agents/publishers before acceptance – the answer is don’t give up, if getting an agent is what you are set on doing. If you decide on self-publishing, I’m sure you’ll have plenty of support, and know lots of people/authors who could be helpful.
If we knock their socks off with great writing – unique voice, ideas, characters, story – and agents/publishers can see an agreeably profitable partnership (worthy of investment) ahead, I doubt it would matter much if we were unwashed, kleptomaniac, man-stealers who hate kittens and have bad breath! Profit is profit. Choosing books to invest in (it’s about sales and money – an unputdownable book is likely to be a profitable book, plus whether the writer be able to produce more) is, like all art, subjective: not all agents like the same thing.
Plus lit agents’/art agents’/reviewers’/bloggers’/anyone’s individual tweets can sometimes be dependent upon a variety of things, such as mood, a really bad/good day, PMT or even whether there’s been a boozy lunch or evening meal. I don’t take many tweets overly seriously, unless with friends or others in my mental-health spectrum who might be down; and I’ve developed a slightly thicker skin since starting on Twitter. Someone, somewhere is sometimes unprofessional – including me. Ha!
I have seen examples of what you’re talking about (manuscripts slagged off in a tweet, all made out to be an hilarious little joke) but no-one’s perfect. Some people just can’t help mocking others to make themselves feel better – as much as it happens in schools, at work, in homes, it will happen on Twitter and there’s not much done to police it. Maybe report spam! Haha. Just rude and unthinking and, I suspect, often out of character. It only serves to reflect badly on the perpetrating tweeter, than the m/s and writer they are mocking.
Keep going (you could be in the published group with the next agent response you get) – or self publish! I have bought and read both. Because they were the stories I wanted to read. Happy customer of either. Go, Rebecca! 🙂 *hugs* Heather xx
Rebecca Bradley says
You make a lot of good points here.
If the work was absolutely fantastic and the agent loved it, it might not matter what the writer was like, but writers are anxious people who don’t have much belief in their own work, so when submitting, I imagine most writers are nervous and in awe of any potential agent.
I know mood can impact on tweets, it has been known to impact on my own. I don’t believe I could be mean though, no matter what my mood. Not on Twitter anyway. You might get a different answer from those closest to me who it is safe to be grumpy with!
And yes, it does reflect more on the Tweeter than the writer whose manuscript submission the tweet was about, but for the writer, it doesn’t feel that way. But on reflection now, I see that it does and having seen these responses, I see that it does.
You are always wonderfully supportive. Thank you Heather x
Linda King says
Wow, Rebecca – I had no idea agents did this as I don’t use Twitter much. I don’t think I’m much of a schmoozer either. Kind of dreading the day I try to get an agent, but I love India’s comment above and what she says makes a lot of sense. I have a hankering to see my work in paperback, though… we’ll see!
Rebecca Bradley says
I love Twitter, but I think I’m a bit of a sadist for following so many agent tweeters! I need to do a mass unfollow!
Don’t let my post put you off submitting though. Just don’t follow their tweets at the same time as submitting!
glynissmy1 says
I unfollowed a lot of agents because I didn’t like what I saw in their tweets. I also became despondent about submitting my manuscripts, and worried that I might be the source of their amusement, that I made a decision to self-pub, exactly a year ago. I have no regrets. What I learned has made me stronger, and I love the Indie community spirit. I don’t earn a fortune but I do earn, and it comes to me. Not an agent, then publisher, then me. Self-publishing is no longer frowned upon. I have readers who do not know me, nor I them, and they obviously do not care who published my books. They email to ask when I am releasing another. I don’t have to stress about waiting up to two years for a release date, or finding a publisher after managing to find an agent. I am in control and love it. You do what your gut tells you, Rebecca but do not get upset and discouraged. X
Rebecca Bradley says
I love this Glynis – how you are in control and that you’re happy and comfortable with that. I see self publishing as an option, not a last resort and it may very well be something that is really good for me, soul and all!
Patricia (@patricialynne07) says
There was an agent that I followed and I really enjoyed their tweets and their blog. Then one day, they tweeted about manuscripts they were tweeting and some of the comments felt unnecessary. Should that agent really be saying that? Needless to say, I ended up unfollowing because I was turned off by those tweets.
Rebecca Bradley says
It’s hard to see when that happens isn’t it? We look up to them so much, they hold our dreams in their hands, yet they don’t see the fragility of that. I see a mass unfollowing happening.
D.A.Cairns says
I’ll add my voice to the others here, in agreement. I often wonder if some of my posts are too negative or heavy, but I am who I am and I feel what I feel and I think what I think. That incubus is something we all have to deal with from time to time. Right on, Rebecca and write on!
Rebecca Bradley says
Thank you! I love the response this post has received. It seems it has hit a nerve with many people. I think we should all be true to ourselves if that is within being kind and thoughtful of others. It’s how I feel, so I suppose I reflect that expectation onto others, especially those I see as “higher” than me in some respect. (Though not all, because no-one has that over anyone, in anyway, because it’s not measurable. You know what I mean!)
Kirsten says
I think mean-spirited tweets say as much about the person who tweeted them as they do about their hapless victim. I do feel for agents, because I imagine they must slog through some horrific manuscripts and meet some really obnoxious writers in search of a literary gem, but sentiments like what you describe are probably best kept off the web. Perhaps some kinds of social media bring out the worst in people, and it’s best to ignore them, or at least filter with care.
Thanks for having the guts to say what needs to be said. Being articulate and honest is what writers strive for, and you’ve nailed these in this post. If anything, that will get you more blog readers, not less. 🙂
Rebecca Bradley says
Thank you Kirsten. I feel so much more settled with this post as time has gone by. The support it has received has been phenomenal. It has shown me that this is something that others see as well and it’s not good. Social media is a great tool, but as you say, it can bring out the worse. It’s strange to see it from people who are supposed to guide us through our careers if we were taken on though. And to be honest, as you say, it’s just mean. There’s no need. It does say more about them, maybe that they feel they need to increase their own sense of self worth?
nancyrae4 says
Wonderful honest post, Rebecca. You’ve definately struck a chord with many of us. The responses above reassured me I’m not alone in wondering about the merits of searching for an agent vs self-publishing. As always, your posts are bold, presenting the important issues with charm and intellegence.:) !
Rebecca Bradley says
Thank you so much Nancy! I was in two minds about this post all Friday night. I have been amazed by the response though. It really does appear that I wasn’t alone in seeing this and being concerned by it. I think writers really do need to be comfortable with themselves when making a decision about the way forward within publishing. It’s the only way to do either option and be happy within it.
Murees Dupé says
I respect you for saying exactly what you feel and think. I was also told to limit my personal opinion about the publishing industry on my blog and I said what I thought regardless. There are great people out there and then there are the type of people who make fun of others. But do not let that stop you. I am not good at sucking up either and you get what you see with me as well. I am sure that eventually we will get the recognition we seek, because honesty has to count for something. Best of luck to you and I hope things get better for you soon.
Rebecca Bradley says
Thank you Murees, it would be hoped that our honesty without the need to be mean, does us no harm in pursuing our dreams but we shall see! Wishing us both lots of good honest luck.
jadereyner says
Really well said. I hate the way people are judged and made fun of regardless of the industry. I have self published because I’m not sure I’m thick skinned enough to face rejection. That being said, I still have to try to sell the book which means that I will still have to get out there and do the schmoozing, and like you, that’s not my strong point. I write and I love it and all I can hope is that eventually for all of us, that is enough to speak for itself. Great post and you’ve not lost me! 🙂
Rebecca Bradley says
Thank you Jade. I’m really glad I haven’t lost you! Posts like these can be scary as hell to write even if you know what you’re saying is the the right thing because you are sticking your head above that parapet. I have some wonderful blog followers and you are one of them!.
Jacqui Murray says
Good news, Rebecca–I haven’t seen your name pop up on the Black List! Dodged that bullet. Keep them comin’.
Rebecca Bradley says
That’s good news so far! Thanks Jacqui 🙂
whiteravensoars says
I honestly have been fighting with the same thoughts lately… not because of watching the “tweeting” per say, but… I am a rather free spirited person, and I write what I think and to heck with the consequences! I am me, and don’t care what others think… Someone will either like me or not and I am not going to shape myself to fit what others want! That said, it does seem that there is a lot of “schmoozing” needed for this writing field of people who, in my experience are happier off by themselves doing their thing.
Honestly, I think if more people lived/thought like this… then others would have to respect it more! Too many people are too busy worrying about what someone is going to think of them. When instead they should be thinking more along the lines of what they can do to better themselves ect.
Rebecca Bradley says
Exactly. I was/probably still am to some extent, one of those who worry, but as you can see from the blog post, i do blow caution to the wind! As long as being our real selves is not mean, then I’m all for it 🙂
Elle Turner says
Hi Rebecca,
It is disappointing to see people behaving unprofessionally in whatever setting, but it feels worse if it’s someone who we think has some sort of “say” over us. I’ve been lucky so far – from reading your readers’ comments some people have clearly had very upsetting experiences.
This is a great post – thank you for posting it. 🙂 xx
Rebecca Bradley says
Thank you Elle. Yes, from the comments, it does seem as though I have spoken about a topic that a few people identify with. And I thought I was going to be stood out here in the blog world alone! I have some great blog readers 🙂 Thank you x
Vikki Thompson says
(((((Hugs))))) honey.
I’ve been thinking quite a lot recently whether I want to be published or just stay as a hobbyist. I totally know where you’re coming from oh yes 🙁
Xx
Rebecca Bradley says
Thanks Vikki. It’s so tough isn’t it. The need to keep writing never dissipates but what to do with it after that is the conundrum. Aiming for publication shouldn’t feel as bad as it does and maybe it wouldn’t if I didn’t spend so much time on Twitter as well! Just keep writing and hopefully the rest will come from there xx
Vikki Thompson says
Thanks honey, my problem is FaceBook lol
Xx
Jane Isaac says
Well written, heartfelt piece Rebecca. I totally agree with you, be yourself and be judged on your talents – that is all that readers are interested in and that is why we publish our work anyway. Agents aside, it’s the readers that matter, and in my limited experience – they all really lovely.
Rebecca Bradley says
Thank you Jane. And you’re right, it’s absolutely the readers I am aiming for. There may be critics among them, but that’s completely different. I’m glad to hear your experience has been really good with them. One day I hope I can say the same 🙂
Joanna (Lazuli Portals Trilogy) says
I’m sorry it’s come to this, Rebecca – and that it can affect other writers in that same soul-destroying way.
But this is an authentic post, written by a genuine, authentic, REAL writer with heart and soul and feelings. Thank heavens for that!
I know I’m not an agent, or a publisher – just another indie author – but for me, this post shines with your honesty and I really like you for it. 🙂
I hope you find the best path for you, whichever one you take at this juncture.
Rebecca Bradley says
Thank you so much Joanna. It was a hard post to write, but I’m glad the message I wanted to get across, came out the right way. It’s a busy industry and we all just want to try our best.