I’m writing this post Friday night, before scheduling it to go live Saturday morning. It’s more about how I’m feeling than usual posts. And this evening I’m feeling it more than usual. Just one of those nights.
I could lose blog readers. Do you know what though? That is fair enough. Our lives are hectic enough, that you should never read something because you feel you should.
The same way, I shouldn’t feel I am losing a part of my soul every time I send my manuscript out to an agent and face rejection. Or I feel I am holding my thoughts back because it wouldn’t be good for someone in the industry to see I have actual thoughts.
I’m not rude or arrogant. But I do manage to think all by myself. I often see advice about how to present yourself online, just in case that agent or publisher looks you up. I’m me, what you get is what you see. But at times this rule doesn’t seem to go both ways. I see agents Tweeting out what they’ve received in their slushpiles and I’m talking about the incorrect submissions. If I was that person who had sent it in, I’d be gutted to see it tweeted out to all and sundry.
And this is where I’m really starting to feel the soul suckingness of attempting to become a published writer. Not only am I offering a piece of myself up when querying, but I feel uncomfortable with the fun poking where the query may not have met a single guideline and be written in crayon on rose scented paper, but it’s someone’s work all the same. Maybe the fact that they can’t grasp the concept of reading submission guidelines tells you a little about their intellect? but then they’re really going to make fun of people who can’t think things through or comply with guidelines. Come on, – humanity and professionalism.
I don’t know if I want to work in a business where I see cliques like that working.
I want to write. I can’t seem to stop, not matter how annoyed I get with the whole system. I don’t want to join an elitist group. I would like to see my book published if possible, but I’m at a massive crossroads.
I have met some lovely people on Twitter and in person within the publishing world. Mainly in person if I’m honest, when I’ve attended Harrogate Crime Writing Festival, so I know it’s not all like that. But I do know, it’s a business where you have to “Schmooz”. I can’t Schmooz to save my life. I’m a straight forward kind of girl.
And if this post offends anyone in the industry and I’m then instantly blacklisted for having a viewpoint, then so be it. Because not saying how I’m feeling tonight, when agents blog and tweet to their hearts content, would mean I was having another small part of my soul sucked out of me, only to further myself into something that makes me nervous.
I should be judged on my writing and manners when dealing with people. At this point, my writing isn’t up to scratch, but it will be one day. And I want to do this without feeling I just kissed a Incubus.