This post is a dual purpose post. It is part of both the A to Z blogging challenge and Aprils Insecure Writers Support Group post which is a monthly blog hop hosted by Alex Cavanaugh. You can find the sign up list here. Just look at me multi-tasking!
Anyway, I want to talk about having confidence in yourself and feeling happy and comfortable, with yourself and your decisions. This is something I have thought about quite a lot recently, specifically in relation to my writing, but it can obviously apply to life in general and how you approach and deal with things.
When I was much, much, much (OK I’m old) younger, I was tormented a little at school. I hate to use the word bullied, it doesn’t feel right in comparison to what some children go through nowadays. Anyway, I was vertically challenged (I’m a little on the short side) and I wore a fixed brace on my teeth, which at that point in time wasn’t very cool. I had the nickname “Jaws” from the James Bond films, for a while. I was obviously upset about this, my confidence took a bit of a bashing when all I wanted to do was fit in with everyone. I didn’t see why it wasn’t working out that way.
Eventually as I got older I toughened up a little and made the decision that if a someone wasn’t interested in me as a person, then they weren’t worth worrying about. They were not a loss from my life because they had nothing to return to me in a friendship. This has worked for me. I’m still completely open as a person, but if someone wants to be an arsehole with me, then it’s their problem and I leave them to it and worry no further.
That was until I decided I wanted to be a writer, with a career as a writer. This created a feeling in me, of needing to fit into a massive “club”. This has caused a relapse of about *cough* years.
It’s taken a while, but I have now recognised that my old values still ring true and all I need to do is just be me. Yes my writing will speak for itself (or not) but as far as fitting into the club, I don’t need to fit in. I’m good just the way I am. I’m accepted or I’m not. My friends are real friends and I’m glad to have them. They know who I am, not who I think they want me to be, and I now have that confidence to not need the acceptance. This has freed me, helped me make some decisions and made me happier. I’m not saying that there have been problems, but there have been my own perceived issues. Feelings of needing to be something in particular. A mold to fit. But there isn’t. And there shouldn’t be, anymore than being honest and polite will get you in any situation or any organisation.
Please, if you’re striving for something, anything, don’t give yourself up to achieve it. If you are happy with you, then others should be happy with you. Have confidence in yourself and you know the old saying – Those who care don’t matter, and those who matter don’t care.
Please tell me you have that confidence in yourself and don’t judge yourself by others opinions. You are worth more than that.
sharonsant says
Amazing post! I can identify with these insecurites and I’m sure many others will.
Your turn to shine will come and it will be all the brighter because it’s the real you shining out. π
Annalisa Crawford says
Great post. We are all unique and should be celebrated as such. I chose to be unique at school just because I found it so hard to fit in… at the time, all my friends loved Bros – that was my catalyst to go off into an entirely different heavy metal path. So I guess, I owe Bros for making me happy to be myself ???? I’m glad you’ve been able to apply it to your writing/adult life too π
Annalisa Crawford, One of April’s IWSG Co-Hosts
Bel Anderson says
Excellent post! Like you, I didn’t fit in at school too well because I was chubby and looked snooty (allegedly!) I decided early that if someone didn’t like me without even getting to know me then it was their loss and I still hold by that. I’m happy and willing to be friendly and open with everyone and sometimes that backfires, but not often these days. What I love about the writers I’ve ‘met’ (yourself included) is that everyone is so different and most seem to have ‘being themself’ in the bag. By the way, I bet you have lovely straight teeth now and it was worth it!
Very Tessa Tangent says
Great post, Rebecca.
The moulds – or clubs – out there, I realised (after years of depression/poor self image), came with the title Human Being. I fitted that one. But all humans are unique, different – and they’re equal. ‘No one is better than me,’I was taught that in therapy to say when I fear others (which of course I thought sounded very egotistical at first, till I tried it).. No one’s worse but no one’s better: at being utterly themselves; a unique human being; me. π xx
D.A.Cairns says
I don’t know who said it but “it takes a fair amount of hubris to be a writer.” You are so right. You just have to back yourself. I often feel like a complete outsider but I know that God loves me and accepts me and I am cool with myself. It’s not a competition (that’s what I keep telling myself)
Margot Kinberg says
Rebecca – I couldn’t possibly agree with you more. You have to trust that you have something good to offer and something important to say. Just as you are, you are a good person and a talented writer.
Kirsten says
Thanks in part to the IWSG, I’ve gained a huge amount of confidence as a writer in the past year! There was always this part of me that knew what I wanted/needed to write (I like to call it the Muse π ) and I’m slowly learning that I don’t have to defend what that is. It just ‘is’!
I suppose there will be those who turn up their noses, or advise me to use my talents for something that ‘matters.’ That’s one thing about being older though. You learn to filter out the stuff that doesn’t work for you.
Great idea for a post. I think you nailed this one. π
TaMara says
This is a great post! It’s taken me years to realize that I don’t need to worry about other people’s opinions of me, although there are still times when I do.
TaMara
Tales of a Pee Dee Mama
Jean Davis says
Great post! With so many people (myself included) not fitting in back when we were in school, I begin to wonder if anyone really did consider themselves as ‘fitting in’, or were we all scarred by the group experience during our awkward and uncertain teen years?
megan says
I needed this motivation this morning- thank you for sharing π
Jane Isaac says
Lovely post. It’s easy to remember that our little insecurities are shared by many and really don’t matter. If we are happy with ourselves and our work then others will be too. Thanks for sharing.
Julie Luek says
Nice to meet you and visit your blog! I’m helping Alex with cohosting IWSG this month. I think writing– especially the online world of writers– can definitely feel like a club sometimes. I have to remind myself to be true to me and what feels right to me, in terms of participation. Funny what can poke at our insecurities!
nancyrae4 says
Wonderful encouraging blog, Rebecca. I’ve thought a lot about the genre I write and whether it’s worth another novel. But, it’s what I like! So be it. Thanks for echoing my thoughts!
Suzanne van Rooyen (@Suzanne_Writer) says
Great post!
Tracy Moore says
What a great post! Sounds like you’ve done a lot of growing. Good for you. I’ll be back to visit again.
Alex J. Cavanaugh says
When it comes to being a writer, there is no mold. That’s a good thing!
I’m confident in what I produce as a writer. It will never be great or the next big thing, but it’s the best I can do.
Vikki Thompson says
Great post Rebecca π
Im not a very confident person i have to admit π But i know that if i want to be a novelist, i really have to snap out of it *gulp*
xx