Yes, you read it correctly. I am a bad mother.
What did I do you may ask. Did I forget to feed them as I typed away at my manuscript? Did I leave them with no clean clothes to wear because it was just too much hard work to walk to the washing machine? No. I’m a bad mother because I don’t have a creative bone in my body and it was decorate an egg day at school this week.
Yep, that dreaded day all parents like me loath, along with fancy dress days. Easter time. Where we have to help our kids decorate an egg or eggs, to take into school to be judged.
And for those of you who don’t have to go through this pain, don’t think for one minute that you can hand your child a paintbrush and some glitter and let them get on with swishing colour all over in an indiscriminate way, oh no, this is serious stuff. For years I have soldiered under the illusion that was what this egg thing was all about, but I took off my rosey tinted glasses and the stark reality of motherhood and competition came blindingly at me last year when I saw some of the entries. There was not a swished coloured-up egg in sight. What there was, were full egg parades in grubby little hands, eggs that could hold their own in a New Orleans carnival. I’m sure if I’d have looked at them long enough they would have got up and danced as well. So this year when the note came home that it was that time again, I could have cried.
I had no idea’s and neither did little man. This was not to be our finest hour. I googled this egg thing and found something fairly easy. Something that didn’t require either of us to need sixteen fingers each to keep it together as we made it and would, if it worked, look reasonably good. Angry bird eggs. We needed to dye the eggs a colour, then little man could paint the faces on. Simple.
Ha!
Try dyeing an egg. Not until it failed did I realise the egg needed to be white and the eggs I had hard boiled and attempted to dye red were not white. Not until last night did we find out our village didn’t possess a single white egg.
We were doomed.
Really, not a creative bone in my body. Nothing. Zip. I felt dreadful and a complete failure. Little man really didn’t want to swish paint onto eggs. He thought that idea was rubbish and hated it last year.
We cheated. I bought a dozen Cadbury cream eggs, unwrapped them and wrapped the hard boiled eggs up and he took them. When I asked him how the egg thing had gone, his reply was – “Not as good as everyone elses.” He was ok though. Along with me and his sister, he had eaten his way through a whole bunch of cream eggs and I promised we would try harder next year. I will google harder and buy white eggs. But this year, this week, I am a bad mother and I feel it.
I am so glad they never had these contests when my children were in school. i just had to send in a bag of candy, and now they don’t even celebrate–don’t want to offend anybody, you see.
I wish all ours did was send in a bag of candy, it would make life so much easier!
I also had those feelings when mine were growing up as I worked shifts as a full time nurse, studied for degree part time and generally juggle with usual home life, shopping, housework, supporting kids etc. I also did the creme egg theme one year, thankfully as youngest now nearly 27 they have never said a word re my egg disasters. Kids know you are trying your best to juggle too many eggs ( balls) in the air at once and know that just every now and again you are going to drop one. Rest assured Rebecca you are not a bad mother. Thank you for sharing, at least I can reassure you there is no lasting damage or a few cracked eggs.
I’m so glad I’m not the only person to have done that creme egg thing! And It’s also good to know it’s hopefully not going to be held against me. 🙂
Letters home from school always fill me with dread. Luckily this year, #2 son was given the choice to make a bonnet (hehe), a card or something else that I’ve forgotten. He chose to do nothing. I love him very much 🙂
I was willing little man to not want to engage in such a unfairly competitive day, but he just wanted to join in. Lucky you though!
I had three to do it for, so I do understand your pain! Not sure if you found this link, but keep it as a stand by! http://www.notimeforflashcards.com/2013/02/15-easy-easter-egg-crafts-for-kids.html
I will keep that for next year, thank you Glynis!
I know exactly what you mean by all this. And there’s definitely a severe epidemic of competitive mum syndrome at our school, which really doesn’t help! I think my kids are resigned to failure now!
Mine too. Poor things. I think he’s survived this one though.
There is a competition at church every easter sunday for various easter crafted things and it’s always the same kids who win, which annoys me as I wonder how much the child had done or was it the parents. My grandchildren don’t always bother to enter
I think abstaining is probably the better option if possible, if you know you’re up against a bunch of competitive parents. Just leave them to it. But, kids are kids aren’t they and they just want to take part, so we have to help them do that if we can. It does feel like it’s our task rather than theirs now though.
Thankfully I haven’t had to go through this yet – no competitions so far – but dressing up costumes seem to invoke the same competitive spirit! Gone are the days when an angel could just be dressed up in an old sheet with some wings made out of coat hangers and tissue paper – I think social services would be called in if we did this! 🙂
Ha! Yes, I can imagine! Poor poor child, coat hangers for wings? What was that parent thinking? tut tut tut. 🙂
Your story made me shudder and laugh at the same time. If you were a bad mother, you wouldn’t have helped at all. It’s trying to compete with other parents that causes all the stress and the sense of failure.
I was ‘step Dad’ to my ex girlfriends daughter and as being ‘clever’ seemed to be one of my few assigned qualities, homework was my department. I really don’t like the concept of homework for 8-9yr old kids but this was Kensington so it’s Pushy Parent Kingdom.
Maths, English were done amidst tired strops, tears etc for an hour only for the ‘work’ to be done in about 10 mins. I could handle that. Then came the ‘zoo project’.
This was a ‘multi week’ project where you had to make a map of a zoo, produce marketing materials and ‘you might even want to make some animals’. No chance of getting out of this one especially as ‘You were in marketing. This should be right up your street’. Just what you want after a 60hr week.
The first and second weekends passed in hours of utter misery. I did the school runs the last week. ‘What are YOU going to do for your animals?’ ‘Dunno’ became ‘What are WE going to do?’ by Friday. By Saturday morning, we were still on ‘Dunno’. Knowing the ultra Parents would already be oven firing a sculpture of an African elephant by now and exGF glaring at me saying ‘What are YOU going to do?’, I cracked under the pressure and and uttered the fatal words ‘B***er it, we’ll just make a b****** zoo’. Off to art shop for fibre board, modelling clay and paint, little darling and I went, burning with ambition but lacking in any kind of talent.
A few companionable hours passed before boredom set in but after a solo stint from me followed by one last team effort on Sunday evening, we finished off the buildings and animals which looked more like animal droppings but for the paint. The car journey to school on the Monday was conducted at snail’s pace so that the ‘zoo’ didn’t fall to pieces. I was so glad to see the back of that thing as she headed in. It was utter rubbish and I felt terrible. Work and a business trip away seemed a merciful and convenient release.
ExGF and daughter seemed really pleased however when I came home. Little darling had won a ‘special prize for ‘effort”‘. Being Portuguese, the subtlety of that award seemed to escaped both of them. I wasn’t going to spoil the party.
Looking back, I miss doing that kind of thing. I remember doing things for school with my own Mum and she was rubbish at art but now she’s gone, it’s little memories like that where she just did her best that I really appreciate. And you have a whole year to prepare for next time!
What a wonderful example of the torture of school set tasks for the “children”! One that would absolutely mortify me. If I can’t decorate an egg and am reduced to covering it in creme egg wrappers, how on earth would I cope with creating an entire zoo! I am in awe 🙂
You’re right though, if my kids lose me early, I hope the hopeless creme egg wrapping will be remembered fondly. At least we both got frustrated with the task together.
Thanks for sharing Pete.
It’s not that I’m not creative. I just don’t like the mess – at home! Why create more work for yourself? And I’m not the most patient person in the world… Plus, as you mentioned above, it’s more a competition for the adults to show the best eggs, nothing to do with the kids. We had Easter gardens this year… I had to google one of those, and our result wasn’t bad actually. It didn’t win, but it looked pretty good against the others. lol!
I know, why can’t they be given an hour and some materials at school and make them at school? I also just had to google Easter gardens! I’m glad you did better at that than we did with our eggs 🙂
Rebecca – I so empathise with you! Like you, my creativity is in my writing, not my visual artistry. And you can’t write decorations for an Easter can you? But you are not – let me repeat – not a bad mother. I’m sure part of the reason your little guy was OK with what happened was all of the effort you went through for him. And what a lesson it taught him about trying something, finding out you’re not an expert, and dealing with it anyway.
Margot, not only am I not visually hopeless, I am tone deaf and have no rhythm. How I actually managed to write I’m not sure!
Little man seems to have come through it ok. I think he shares my frustration, both with creating an object and the competitiveness of the other parents. He did however enjoy the creme eggs that needed eating 🙂
See? A bright side to everything 🙂
Your story made me chuckle. You just made an awesome memory little man and you will remember. That’s what it’s all about.
Thank you, and I certainly hope so, even if school think it’s the wrong memory because it was so rubbish! 🙂
Ah, Rebecca! A girl after my own heart. As I’m on my third child now, I tend to opt out of all school creativities (poor third child!) doing the least I can get away with. It astounds me just how creative some parents are and the lengths they will go to when its, for example a two-week space project – some parents actually create their own planet and we know it’s the parents, cos no 10-year old child could make them so well)!!!! As a working mum, I am time poor. If I had more time, I might be more inclined. As it is, on ‘bring in a cake’ day – Mr Kipling does all the hard work, not me!!! xxx
You have to love Mr Kipling! And never mind third child, I’ve been this bad with both first and second. I think a space project would just send me over the edge!
We haven’t painted eggs at all! In our town, the Easter holiday coincides with school’s spring break. So no painted egg contests for us. I just may do this this weekend.
Let me know how the egg painting goes!
They never had a contest like that at my school, and me being creative, I’m bummed about it now. At least you got to enjoy a bunch of Cadbury Eggs. =)
We loved the Cadbury eggs! I think this create a masterpiece at home is new-ish because I can’t remember doing it either, but then again I am massively old.
How can you be a bad mother? Your kids got Cadbury’s Crème Eggs! I remember these egg competitions, although my kids’ school never ran one. When I was a kid, the only eggs that won were the ones that had obviously been done by an adult. It was a right farce. My mum was a teacher at the school so she couldn’t cheat and do it for us. I always loved doing them and looking at everyone else’s egg, but even at that tender age I remember feeling angry that it was the most perfect that won, not the ones that looked as if a child had done them! Better luck next year – find someone with their own hens and you might get a few white eggs. Or a goose egg – it would certainly be the biggest!
I like the idea of a goose egg Bel. I will have a look for those a bit further afield next year. It just goes to show how unprepared I was this year. I’m just so unmotivated by these things.
It does seem that Cadbury creme eggs can cure all ills though 🙂
I’m sorry! I’m sure his eggs were unique though.
He certainly enjoyed eating the eggs that the wrappers came from!
I understand how you feel! I don’t like having to do anything artistic for homework and I wouldn’t know where to begin to dye an egg. Your solution sounds like a good one though – cream eggs are always popular. 🙂 xx
Creme eggs are wonderful. I think I’d be huge if they were on sale all year round. I had no idea how to dye an egg, google was my friend :0)
Awwwww, honey, you are definitely NOT alone!
I hated doing that kind of stuff when my kids were at school, i use to rope in helpers 😉 Aunties were always very useful lol
xx
I’m glad I’m not alone in my hatred of this forced school activities. I’m sure they do it just to torture the parents a few times a year because we send our kids to them!
It was the making costumes that got me 🙁
Xx
We never did the egg thing, but we did have a make a Guy Fawkes annual event which I naively thought would be all paint and paper mache. Ella and I spent ages on hers (which looked more like a zombie than a guy by the time we finished) only to take it to school to face competition which can only have taken many a parent weeks. One was even made to a machined finish that wouldn’t have looked out of place on the shelf at Lewis’. It didn’t matter to her as she loved hers – we still have it somewhere.
I love the image of the zombie Guy Fawkes, I can just about picture him! And I can fully imagine how to-town some parents went. I’m glad Ella loved hers. There is the risk that this competitiveness can ruin it for the kids that just enjoy the making of the items. I wonder if she’ll still love it when you drag it out for her in another 10 years though! 🙂