The internet is a funny old place isn’t it? Odd question you may be asking yourself. We all know it has it’s extremes. Its force for good and its capability for evil. But, do you ever recognise how it effects you and your life, or is it something that is so automated now, you don’t even think twice about what you are doing? Like clearing the plates away after a meal.
The reason I ask today, is I’m feeling contemplative. I’ve just tweeted out that I feel strangled by Twitter. You may know that I recently decided that the only way to use social media, was to be honest, otherwise, what’s the point, it’s just a sales pitch, a tool. I don’t want to do that. I want to connect, to talk, to have real, genuine conversations. Yet, still, I find myself censored by my own internal voice this week. A voice that talks sense, yet the emotional side of me just wants to yabber on like a rambling idiot. It probably wouldn’t be much fun for you, but it’s all part of the being real right?
When I chose to share more of my life online, I still made decisions about which parts I was going to keep to myself. This doesn’t mean I am being sly or secretive. What you see, is who I am. You just don’t get to see the dirty plates from the meal I just ate.
But what if I want to say something about those dirty plates? Where does that leave me? Because I am me online, I have forged genuine friendships, and I want to talk to those friends about stuff. The problem lies in that I’ve pre-ordered waitress service to clear away the plates.
So now my table is clear, the plates have been taken away and that leaves me feeling worlds away from the connection I’ve made online. And as a result, this blog post isn’t pre-written, it’s not considered, it’s another one of those, where I sit down, with no clue as to what is about to come out, and I type. Maybe a load of drivel. Maybe I come back and delete this tomorrow, or maybe, I leave it here, the clear table, with no plates and I sit.
How does social media work within your life, is it structured and ordered, do you share all, or do you try as I do, to fit in parts of your life, but by being you at all times?
Rebecca – I don’t think this post is drivel at all. You raise a very important and relevant question about the role social media plays in our lives. Just who are we supposed to be online? And as you say, if we choose to be genuine online, just how much of that authenticity do we reveal? Here are my thoughts, for what they’re worth. If you choose to follow up with the online connections and friendships you have, then part of the reason for that is that they matter to you. And people who matter to you and to whom you matter aren’t going to be put off by your honesty. Bernard Baruch, advisor to U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt, was once asked about handling the delicate matter of seating arrangements at his dinner parties. Here is his response:
“I never bother about that. Those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter.”
Margot, I love that quote and it is true. The problem is, I’m not sure many of us are thick skinned enough to live by it completely, though I do try. It is a balancing act, being true to yourself online, especially as everyone can see it, and not just those who matter. I did make a decision about certain things I wouldn’t discuss and it was the right decision to make. At times, I think, it’s always worth reassessing your decision making processes, especially in such a fast changing world such as the internet.
Hi Rebecca.
A very frank & honest post. I’ve learnt a lot during my first year in social media. For my part, the only way to deal with social media is to be yourself & enjoy the friendships you make & the interesting people you meet. The rest becomes an irrelevance.
This is the philosophy I try to follow, although there are still times when I feel the need to bow out for a few days. Not always that clever at taking my own advice, LOL
Jx
You’re absolutely right Jane. I think I probably needed to bow out this past week, and because I didn’t, the friction in my decision making occurred. Most of the time I am quite good at stepping away. Like you though, we don’t always listen to our own good advice!
Like you, I keep my private life private. I’d promised my wife and I intend to keep that promise.
But for everything else I talk about, what you read is what you get with me. I’m not afraid to voice concerns. (Especially during the IWSG posts!) My blog’s focus is different than most in that personal stuff just never needs to surface. Everyone has their own style online.
And yours is not drive!.
Alex, I think it is really important to stick to those decisions when it comes to other people in our lives who haven’t made the conscious decision we have, to bare a lot of ourselves open, online. Most of the time, it’s not an issue for me, but for reasons I won’t go into this week, my two lives crossed and I found it difficult.
Thank you for saying it wasn’t drivel! 🙂
I tend to use different platforms for different things. My Blog is purely writing stuff, because its completely public, and I’m not sure I want to share my whole life with the world 😉
FaceBook is the “real” me 🙂 But then my page is friends only, but I do share EVERYTHING lol. I can’t help it. I always describe myself as an open book lol. In real life I don’t o around telling people my life story, but if they ask a question, any question, I’m happy to tell 🙂
As for Twitter *sighs* I’m just not really feeling it. I don’t want to Tweet constantly about what I had for lunch, the funny thing my cat just did, or what I think of a TV show. So I on,y tend to use it if I’ve come across a great writing quote or if I’m excited about something, usually ALL writing related.
A writing tutor once said to me that when you submit a manuscript to a publisher or editor the first thing they will do is check out your online prescence *gulp* That’s a scary thought 😉
Xx
Vicki, you bring up a couple of really good points: We don’t go around telling strangers in our life, everything we ramble about online. I do think it’s a little different though, if someone looks up our Twitter feeds, or blogs, it is as though they are asking for the information. That’s the way I’m looking at it anyway!
The other thing is the publisher/agent/editor looking up our online profile. I’ve also heard that and it is one thing I think about, particularly before Tweeting. I have rules about Tweeting myself, not to do it when I’m drunk, angry or in a low mood. I obviously struggled with that one a bit on Friday, but generally it works. One of my blog posts, the one about not sure if I wanted to be published, I actually had sat on ice for three days before posting it.
It’s a fine balancing act of being genuine and what the genuine you is going to be seen as!
I totally agree Rebecca 🙂
Especially about not posting whilst under the influence 😉
Xx
I just write what feels right at the time. My blog is writing-focused with just a few hiccups if it writing-related, like a holiday or a really gorgeous day out (ok, so those examples aren’t related at all). On Twitter I’m much less writing focused, that pops up only occasionally. My issue is that my online voice isn’t really the same as my real voice, and it’s very different from my fiction voice.
At the end of the day, you have to do and share whatever feels right and comfortable for you, and not look too much at what other people are doing.
I love that you look and feel settled in your blogging Annalisa. You have built up a wonderful blog and following and you should be really proud of it.
As for my voice, I think I’m as capable of rambling in reality as I am on my blog! 🙂
I don’t think this post is drivel at all, I really enjoyed reading it. I can relate as I’ve felt the same way at times, and I’m still nowhere close to feeling totally comfortable with social media. I love blogging and feel I’m most like the “real me” on my blog, but I’ve never managed to feel totally comfortable with the rest. I think part of my problem is I’m very quiet in real life and I’m rarely the one talking in a group, and for me Twitter just feels like one huge group. I listen much more than I talk and while that can work out fine in real life, it makes you invisible online. I need to figure out how to find a balance.
Thanks for sharing you thoughts on this!
Thank you Julie. Like you, I really enjoy the blogging. I think it’s because it’s a little slower and we have more time to think and converse whereas Twitter really is fast and reactive. I do personally love Twitter, but I can get really sucked into it at times. I just hope to convey the real me, but with a modicum of something interesting to say 🙂
I think this is a problem so many of us face nowadays. I try to be me but a more positive me. No one wants to listen to me fret about, well, everything! I do like social networking though as I am not the type to go out much in RL and this gives me the social interaction I wouldn’t get otherwise. It’s a funny old world these days, isn’t it?
It is a funny old world Denyse and like you, I don’t tend to go out very much. Work, kids (childcare) and illness, makes me just love sitting at home and relaxing, so like you, I do like social media. I am also capable of fretting about everything! I think this amuses my work colleagues at times. hopefully more than it annoys them!
Not drivel, Rebecca, not by a long shot! It’s a very relevant post.
I don’t get to socialise a lot in real life, and find Twitter and Facebook a valuable tool – mostly one for connecting with those who share my passions and interests.
I guess I do judge each tweet before I hit Send – just a little – to make sure it’s not irrelevant, inaccurate or imbecilic! But then I’d do that in real conversation too. . . I hope! 😉